Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
