There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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