How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
