apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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