OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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