I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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