Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize