dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
