omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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