That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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