I want to walk on stilts...naked
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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