wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
