You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
