i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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