Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
