took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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