my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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