my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
