May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
