Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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