its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
