dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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