I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
