why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
