Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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