You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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