It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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