id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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