There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
