its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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