he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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