So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
