I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
