dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
