I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
