$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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