Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
