That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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