im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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