when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize