I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
