I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
