The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
