what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
