just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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