I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
