white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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