tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
