A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
if i died would you start the facebook group?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
