dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just tell him i said nine months
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
