i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
