I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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