he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
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I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
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Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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