Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
