You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ugly people sure do ruin things
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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