I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
