marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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