1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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