i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im holly from the hills drunk
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
