You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
