last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
