I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
