dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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