My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
