Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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