isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
