You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
