things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
its liver damage thursday
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
