I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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