next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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