Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
