we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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