HIV tests are more positive than that guy
her vagine was all disorganized.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
