I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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