you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I enjoy the company of your penis
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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