I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
