I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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