So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I looked at my own cervix.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
