It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
