I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
