Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
